Over the years most of us have learnt that you won’t always like everyone you work with. We all will have times where we grit our teeth, hold back an honest response or take a deep breath and let something go.
But what happens when members of your team don’t let it go?
Particularly over the last year, we have noticed increased levels of frustration bursting out into conflict between individuals. Patience levels are lower and tensions within and between teams have increased. Of course, any instances of bullying or serious behaviour issues should be dealt with immediately, but often it’s not that – it is just different communication styles or personality differences that cause the problem.
The negative impact unresolved conflict can have on your overall team’s performance or morale is significant.
Conflict between individuals is essentially a difference of opinion and it is normal for conflict to arise from time to time. Expressed within a circle of respect and courtesy, it can, in fact, be beneficial for better decision making and outcomes.
However, what happens when the conflict isn’t constructive and remains unresolved?
Hurt feelings can lead to resentment and increased stress in the workplace. Reduced productivity and absenteeism can also result. Decisions can be delayed, collaborative discussions don’t happen, and silos and simmering tension can develop.
This conflict inevitably affects the whole team, so is a much bigger issue than just two individuals not seeing eye to eye.
It’s a tough ask for leaders to manage these situations. However, taking action is critical to maintaining your team’s performance.
Our recommendations for approaching this are:
Act early
It is tempting to wait and hope problems will resolve themselves but, the longer you wait, the greater the chance that the relationship will be irreparable. It just takes one big blow-up for someone to say something they can’t take back, so acting early while the problem is small is your best course of action.
Meet with each team member individually first
Like any good conversation, preparation is key to them being constructive. Helping your team members to prepare is critical, so they are ready to listen and want to reach a resolution. We suggest:
- Helping them to identify the benefits of having a good working relationship. This helps build commitment to the process going well.
- Coaching them to identify what they need from the other party and helping them to find constructive ways to phrase this. It is not so much what is said, but how it is said. Focusing on the other person’s actions and the impact of this, not their personality, is also really important. Personal comments are never helpful. There is a big difference between saying “You are lazy” as opposed to “When you don’t pass me the information on time, I can’t submit my report”.
- Ask them to start considering what they may change in their own approach to help the other person. This creates a mindset where they also expect to shift some of their own behaviours and steers the conversation into a two-way street.
Start by setting the scene
Any tough conversation is difficult to start and takes a bit of warming into. We suggest starting by gaining agreement from each party to fixing the relationship. The power of a “Yes” spoken out loud and in front of others is significant and sets the tone for them to both to try and repair the relationship. Reiterate the benefits they have both identified to having a good working relationship.
Move into the conversation on what they need from each other
This is where things can go pear shaped quickly, and your previous coaching on how to phrase their needs constructively is important. Encourage open conversation, listening and engagement between the two, but be ready to step in and get things back on track if required.
Take notes and put the agreement in writing
This doesn’t have to be a formal contract, but some form of written commitment to the identified actions or behaviour changes helps to ensure these are followed through. It also keeps it front of mind.
Follow up with positive reinforcement
These types of conversations are not easy for those involved to accept, and for them to commit to change, so congratulating your team members and letting them know how well they did is important. This also builds the positive element of the conversation and helps them to view it in a good light.
Remember, significant change won’t necessarily happen overnight, and this is more likely to be a process.
If you catch it early and can manage the conversation well, you are on the road to enhancing relationships and building a stronger and more productive team.
Positive People have over 30 years’ experience helping leaders to build high performing teams. If you or your leaders need support with interventions, call us now on 09-445 1077.